We had a healing and wholeness service at church tonight. Before moving to the various stations that had been set-up, I spent some time really listening to where I felt like I should go. I lit candles for my friend and her two sons at one station as a way to send healing energy their way. At the Wailing Wall, I wrote a message asking to be freed from whatever it is that keeps me from having a healthy lifestyle and eating habits. I asked Jud to wash my prayer beads and to soak them in baptism waters. And lastly, I sat for a healing session. That was the most interesting “stop” and is still with me several hours later.
I said to Carol, the “healer”, that I had been really trying to work on those things that were keeping me from being healthy. I said that I felt like something was holding me back and that I wanted to rid of it. She asked where it seemed to manifest itself and I said my shoulders and chest. As she laid her hands on me, I felt a cool sensation. She leaned over and said to me, “Not only are you trying, Anne, you are succeeding. You are Whole and you are Beloved.” She instructed me to let go of those things that were holding me back. I took a deep breath, exhaled just as deeply and tried to let it all go. Then it ended.
What I’m left with is this…. Am I really healed? Was she sensing something in me that I’m not picking up on my own radar? Or, were her words reflective ones intended to spur my sub-conscious into action? I have spent a good deal of time – the last year – working on myself through my work with during The Artist’s Way and my focus on self-care but no real weight loss. It’s only been in the last week or so that I have given up Diet Coke, for Heaven’s sake.
Am I healed? What should that feel like? Am I reading too much into her words? These are the thoughts weighing on my mind before the start of a new week.